There are so many things I wish I could say to you, but that i'll probably never have the (metaphorical) balls to do so because really, that's not who we are. I feel so stupid for not figuring it out sooner and I can't pinpoint exactly when it happened but the truth is I fell in love with you. I know you know but I don't think you understand. I love you so much it hurts. So there you have it.
I didn't mean to fall for you, it's why i'm so mad at myself right now. It's just something that happened - it seems like it was always there and I just want you so badly. It's not even purely a physical thing (although all the flirting and innuendo do nothing for my self-control) and I can't deny I think of you in that way. But you make me smile so much, and everything always seems better when you're around. I don't know what my life would be without you..
It's ridiculous how speaking to you makes my day but lately ever since I worked out how I feel I seem to be finding a million and one reasons to be jealous over you, even though I know I have no right whatsoever. And to be honest it's driving me crazy and making me miserable at the same time.
I can't do this. I don't know how to do this. I find it so hard to be around you anymore without crossing lines and I feel like all I'm doing at the moment is pushing you away. I'm so sorry for that but if we're going to still be friends I need to get over you. Otherwise I'm scared of how badly i'm going to fuck things up.
I hate what you do to me. I hate that i can't even tell you any of this.. because it's just one of those things we seem to brush over. I hate that I'm keeping this from you because I don't like not telling you the truth. I hate that you're constantly on my mind, but I love it at the same time - I even had a goddamn dream about you last night. Most of all I hate that I love you, and that I'll never be able to love you in the way I want.
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